"His strength is perfect
when our strength is gone.
He'll carry us
when we can't carry on.
Raised in His power,
the weak become strong.
His strength is perfect.
His strength is perfect."
when our strength is gone.
He'll carry us
when we can't carry on.
Raised in His power,
the weak become strong.
His strength is perfect.
His strength is perfect."
-Steven Curtis Chapman
The hospital staff that took care of us was amazing. After we held Anna for awhile, the nurse took her and dressed her in a beautiful, tiny crocheted dress and matching hat. We were told that there were ladies who voluntarily made these dresses for occasions such as these.
I can picture a little lady, sitting in her home, humming and praying as she worked her fingers around the needle and yarn that would one day be the dress that my daughter would wear as our tears fell upon her while we said our goodbyes. I found it to be no coincidence that the dress matched the beautiful peach roses that Anna's Godfather had brought for us.
For a devastating event, the nursing staff made everything as effortless as possible for us. They arranged for the funeral home of our choice to come and pick up Anna's little body. They even gave us a gorgeous, pure white, satin dress for her to be buried in. One of our nurses made a little bracelet with Anna's name on it and placed it in a blue, satin keepsake box that would also hold the crocheted dress Anna was wearing, the pictures that the nurse took, a sympathy card from the entire medical staff, the documents that had Anna's footprints and thumbprints inked on them, her birth certificate and other memoirs of our little girl's arrival for us to take home with us.
As I write this, it's been almost four weeks since that day and I still haven't been able to open that box and go through all of those things.
I imagine someday I will.
As I said, the staff at the hospital was amazing. Eddie and I and our family were so glad we chose to go there.
And that was only the beginning of the kindness and compassion we would experience from people as we went through the most difficult days of our lives.
Once I was discharged from the hospital, we went home to freshen up and then went to my parents' home to meet with the funeral director to make the arrangements for Anna's funeral. We really wanted a Mass celebrated in honor of Anna's life. Eddie and I love the Eucharist and couldn't imagine any other way for our daughter's life to be memorialized. And I wanted so much for our family, friends and Church Community to know how real Anna is. She isn't just some "lost baby" who had no meaning. She is a beautiful soul that is fulfilling a purpose that God had for her...one bigger than I ever would have imagined. A purpose that Eddie and I would quickly see had a profound effect on so many other lives, besides our own.
We were overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from so many in our community. The funeral home offered all of their services for free, as did our parish for the Funeral Liturgy. Many people brought food, cards and gifts for our family...even the teenagers that helped out at Vacation Bible School the previous week brought food and all signed a card saying how sorry they were and that they were all praying for us. And, on the day of her funeral, someone had even made arrangements for Anna's grave marker to be taken care of...free of charge.
Simply amazing.
To be honest, when the day of the funeral came, I was terrified. I was counting on the Lord's strength to get me through because I had none. If it were up to me, I'd be a crumpled mess on the floor. The thought of what we were about to do...bury the body of that precious little girl who was supposed to still be growing strong inside of me...made me want to run. Run away from all of this. It could only be God's grace that helped me get out of bed that morning and get dressed and ready for my daughter's funeral.
We arrived at the church 45 minutes early. Eddie and I wanted some time alone with the Lord to prepare ourselves. We knelt and prayed together, thanking the Lord for the precious time we had with our daughter and asking Him to give us strength to make it through all of this and what we would be facing after this had all come to an end.
I looked around the sanctuary that I have been in thousands of times. This was the place where I was baptized, raised and would later become the music minister. I'm not sure how to explain that somehow everything looked so different to me now.
I looked at the baptismal font, remembering the many times I've pictured Anna being baptized in.
She would never be baptized there.
I looked at the center aisle on which I walked a little over a year ago to promise myself to a lifetime, sacramental marriage to the love of my life.
Anna would never walk up that aisle.
Our daughter would have been raised in this church just as I had been. But instead, her body will be brought up to the Lord's table as we dream of a life that she will never have. Instead, she will be living a perfect life in eternity.
As Eddie and I moved to stand near the entrance of the church, suddenly the room was filling with people. A long line formed as people hugged us, cried with us and shared in our sorrow. We were overwhelmed by the many who took the time to come and share their condolences and celebrate Anna's life with us.
As the Liturgy began, there were nearly 200 people in the pews. We couldn't believe it. As we walked up the aisle behind the funeral directors carrying the tiny casket that was covered with a baby baptismal garment, we could feel the love of all those around us. And there was not a dry eye in the place.
The funeral Liturgy was absolutely beautiful. And I sang along with every hymn and song with the strongest voice I could muster up. I sang praise to my Lord and for my daughter to hear.
Our choir family and Anna's Godfather led the beautiful music.
"Our lives are but a single breath.
We flower and we fade.
Yet all our days are in Your hands,
so we return in love what love has made..." was what we sang as the table was being prepared for Eucharist.
After the Mass, our immediate family and a few close friends proceeded to the cemetery to lay Anna's body to rest. Eddie had requested that she be buried on top of his Grandmother's grave. Eddie and I would be buried near there someday as well.
I will never forget watching Eddie place his daughter's casket in the ground (he also requested to do this himself.) We all stood by and watched as he wept and his mom gently placed her hand on his shoulder. An image forever engraved in my mind.
'Into Your hands, Lord, we commend her spirit. May her soul, and all the souls of the faithful departed, rest in peace. Amen.'
Anna Danielle sings with the angels and prays for all of us. We know that we will one day see her again, but leaving that cemetery was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"His strength is perfect, when our strength is gone."
The hospital staff that took care of us was amazing. After we held Anna for awhile, the nurse took her and dressed her in a beautiful, tiny crocheted dress and matching hat. We were told that there were ladies who voluntarily made these dresses for occasions such as these.
I can picture a little lady, sitting in her home, humming and praying as she worked her fingers around the needle and yarn that would one day be the dress that my daughter would wear as our tears fell upon her while we said our goodbyes. I found it to be no coincidence that the dress matched the beautiful peach roses that Anna's Godfather had brought for us.
For a devastating event, the nursing staff made everything as effortless as possible for us. They arranged for the funeral home of our choice to come and pick up Anna's little body. They even gave us a gorgeous, pure white, satin dress for her to be buried in. One of our nurses made a little bracelet with Anna's name on it and placed it in a blue, satin keepsake box that would also hold the crocheted dress Anna was wearing, the pictures that the nurse took, a sympathy card from the entire medical staff, the documents that had Anna's footprints and thumbprints inked on them, her birth certificate and other memoirs of our little girl's arrival for us to take home with us.
As I write this, it's been almost four weeks since that day and I still haven't been able to open that box and go through all of those things.
I imagine someday I will.
As I said, the staff at the hospital was amazing. Eddie and I and our family were so glad we chose to go there.
And that was only the beginning of the kindness and compassion we would experience from people as we went through the most difficult days of our lives.
Once I was discharged from the hospital, we went home to freshen up and then went to my parents' home to meet with the funeral director to make the arrangements for Anna's funeral. We really wanted a Mass celebrated in honor of Anna's life. Eddie and I love the Eucharist and couldn't imagine any other way for our daughter's life to be memorialized. And I wanted so much for our family, friends and Church Community to know how real Anna is. She isn't just some "lost baby" who had no meaning. She is a beautiful soul that is fulfilling a purpose that God had for her...one bigger than I ever would have imagined. A purpose that Eddie and I would quickly see had a profound effect on so many other lives, besides our own.
We were overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from so many in our community. The funeral home offered all of their services for free, as did our parish for the Funeral Liturgy. Many people brought food, cards and gifts for our family...even the teenagers that helped out at Vacation Bible School the previous week brought food and all signed a card saying how sorry they were and that they were all praying for us. And, on the day of her funeral, someone had even made arrangements for Anna's grave marker to be taken care of...free of charge.
Simply amazing.
To be honest, when the day of the funeral came, I was terrified. I was counting on the Lord's strength to get me through because I had none. If it were up to me, I'd be a crumpled mess on the floor. The thought of what we were about to do...bury the body of that precious little girl who was supposed to still be growing strong inside of me...made me want to run. Run away from all of this. It could only be God's grace that helped me get out of bed that morning and get dressed and ready for my daughter's funeral.
We arrived at the church 45 minutes early. Eddie and I wanted some time alone with the Lord to prepare ourselves. We knelt and prayed together, thanking the Lord for the precious time we had with our daughter and asking Him to give us strength to make it through all of this and what we would be facing after this had all come to an end.
I looked around the sanctuary that I have been in thousands of times. This was the place where I was baptized, raised and would later become the music minister. I'm not sure how to explain that somehow everything looked so different to me now.
I looked at the baptismal font, remembering the many times I've pictured Anna being baptized in.
She would never be baptized there.
I looked at the center aisle on which I walked a little over a year ago to promise myself to a lifetime, sacramental marriage to the love of my life.
Anna would never walk up that aisle.
Our daughter would have been raised in this church just as I had been. But instead, her body will be brought up to the Lord's table as we dream of a life that she will never have. Instead, she will be living a perfect life in eternity.
As Eddie and I moved to stand near the entrance of the church, suddenly the room was filling with people. A long line formed as people hugged us, cried with us and shared in our sorrow. We were overwhelmed by the many who took the time to come and share their condolences and celebrate Anna's life with us.
As the Liturgy began, there were nearly 200 people in the pews. We couldn't believe it. As we walked up the aisle behind the funeral directors carrying the tiny casket that was covered with a baby baptismal garment, we could feel the love of all those around us. And there was not a dry eye in the place.
The funeral Liturgy was absolutely beautiful. And I sang along with every hymn and song with the strongest voice I could muster up. I sang praise to my Lord and for my daughter to hear.
Our choir family and Anna's Godfather led the beautiful music.
"Our lives are but a single breath.
We flower and we fade.
Yet all our days are in Your hands,
so we return in love what love has made..." was what we sang as the table was being prepared for Eucharist.
After the Mass, our immediate family and a few close friends proceeded to the cemetery to lay Anna's body to rest. Eddie had requested that she be buried on top of his Grandmother's grave. Eddie and I would be buried near there someday as well.
I will never forget watching Eddie place his daughter's casket in the ground (he also requested to do this himself.) We all stood by and watched as he wept and his mom gently placed her hand on his shoulder. An image forever engraved in my mind.
'Into Your hands, Lord, we commend her spirit. May her soul, and all the souls of the faithful departed, rest in peace. Amen.'
Anna Danielle sings with the angels and prays for all of us. We know that we will one day see her again, but leaving that cemetery was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"His strength is perfect, when our strength is gone."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dress that Anna Danielle was buried in:
The blue keepsake box from the hospital staff is on the left and next to it is the bunny doll that Eddie bought for Anna at the hospital. On the right, under our family picture, is the baptismal garment that was placed over her casket:
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