Anna's Due Date

October 27th.



I'll never forget the first time that date was mentioned to me after we discovered we were pregnant.



"October 27th is your due date!" the nurse excitedly told my mom and I when we were at the doctor's office getting my ultrasound "re-done."  I was six weeks pregnant at the time and had just found out that there was indeed a baby forming in my womb.  In one of my earliest blog posts, I talked about why the doctors and nurses were questioning the existence of our baby at the time.



October 27th.



That was the first time that significant date was spoken to us.  We heard it many more times throughout the next few months.  It was also a phrase that I used to answer that first question that came at me when someone learned that I was pregnant:  "Congratulations!  When are you due?!" 

"October 27th."  Big smile.  An October baby.  Just like the name of a wonderful movie I had recently seen.  I was so excited.  We didn't have many October birthdays on my side of the family.  I don't believe anyone on Eddie's side of the family had any either.  I loved that date:  October 27th. 


But on July 2, 2013, that changed drastically.  Ever since Anna's too-early arrival, I have now been dreading the date of October 27th.  I knew in my heart that it was going to be a tough day for Eddie and I...and for our family.

But once again, God's grace took over and got us through.

For the past month, I have been struggling with what we should do on what would have been her due date.  And Eddie and I decided that we wanted to do something enjoyable that day since that's what we believe Anna would want her mommy and daddy to do.  I know that she doesn't want us to be sad, but I have to admit that I walked through that day and pretty much the whole week leading up to it with a very heavy heart.  Eddie was finishing out his vacation week, so we decided to make a weekend of it.  On the day before, we gathered some of our family and a few close friends and went horseback riding at a beautiful place called Faith Ranch.  We bundled up in warm jackets, thermals, hats and gloves and rode for a 2-hour trail ride through the crisp autumn air on that beautiful ranch in Ohio.  We finished the evening with square dancing, roasting marshmallows on an open fire pit and a delicious dinner provided by the ranch staff.  It was a lot of fun.

Then the actual day came.  And although I was struggling with my emotions all day, it turned out to be a day filled with amazing surprises and special moments for Eddie and I.  First of all, the production of my song "Your Grace is Sufficient," which was written shortly after losing Anna, came to completion a few days before and I had decided that Anna's due date would be the official release date of the song.  So, at the exact hour of midnight on October 27th, "Your Grace is Sufficient" hit the internet via YouTube.  I posted the video on my facebook page and was humbled and awed by the response that it got by the end of the day on Sunday.  Hundreds of people had listened to it and shared it on their facebook pages.  It was viewed on YouTube around 300 times by the end of that day.  As I write now, three days later, it's been viewed almost 900 times.  All I wanted was for the song to reach people as a testament to God's grace in a horrible tragedy.  It has brought me so much peace, knowing that so many have heard its message. 

While the song was hitting the "airwaves," Eddie and I, my parents and his mom spent the day together, remembering Anna.  There is a Trolley Museum near our town that I've wanted to go to since before Eddie and I were married.  So, we ventured there to ride the trolleys, tour the museum and go to a pumpkin patch that they were having that weekend.  Eddie and I wanted to get a pumpkin from the patch for Anna and decorate it, but I was nervous about asking to do so since the pumpkins were only for the kids that came to visit there.  When Eddie and I started walking toward the pumpkins, the woman that was working there noticed that we didn't have any children with us and kindly informed us that the pumpkins were for the kids that day.  Eddie began explaining why we were there, and before he could even finish telling the woman, the expression on her face changed to sincere sympathy.  She said, "Please...help yourself to one in honor of your little one.  My daughter went through that also.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  And when you get to the craft hall to decorate it, you tell them that Nancy said it was okay for you to do so."  Her smile was so warm and kind and I was fighting back tears.  As Eddie and I turned to walk into the pumpkin patch, I noticed how quiet it was.  There were no children or other families around at the time.  It was another sacred moment for us. 

I could really feel Anna with us as we were picking out a pumpkin for her.  It was painful, yet so comforting at the same time.  Once we settled on the perfect one for her, we rode the trolley back to the craft station and decorated it.  We planned on leaving it at her gravesite later in the day.

 

 

I was so grateful that no one asked us about it when we arrived at the craft house.  We didn't have to explain that Nancy gave us the "okay" after all.  :)  Thank You for that, Lord.  So, we decorated her pumpkin and then headed out to the cemetery.

My mom had brought some candles, shaped like stars to place in the ground near her gravemarker.  She said the candles were for our "little shining star in Heaven."  We placed her pumpkin and candles, then my mom led us in a prayer together.

 

 

So, October 27th was not how we had dreamed it would be back in February.  But, it was still a beautiful day and I believe that Anna's spirit was truly with us and that she was so happy that her Mommy and Daddy were celebrating her life. 

 

I'm not sure if others understand this, but Eddie and I feel that it is so important for us to keep her as part of our life.  She will always be our little girl.  And even though she may not be with us in the flesh, her spirit will always be with us as she watches over us from the feet of Jesus.  My husband and I believe that with all of my heart.  And, if we are ever blessed with more children someday, we plan to tell them about their older sister, Anna, and the impact she has had on our life.  Her life will always be important to us.

 

I'm so blessed to have the privilege of being her Mommy.

 

 

Click here for the YouTube video of "Your Grace is Sufficient."  To God be all the glory.