I have sat in front of my computer many times in the last six months to write for this blog. And every time I started to put thoughts down, I would get distracted. And the words just wouldn't come. I think it was mostly because I was afraid to allow myself to think too much throughout this pregnancy. My husband, family and I were still trying to heal from losing Anna.
In my last post, shortly after Christmas, I shared that we had just found out that we were expecting baby #2. And I'm happy to say that I am now 38 weeks pregnant and scheduled for a C-section delivery next Friday, August 1, 2014. There have not really been any complications, but our baby is still in breech position at this time, so a C-section is needed.
Although this pregnancy was physically very different than with Anna's pregnancy, it was very taxing emotionally. It took absolute complete trust in the Lord to go through this journey after losing our first child so tragically a little over a year ago. And I'm not gonna lie...
I was afraid. Very afraid.
But my husband and I chose to do this afraid...knowing that we serve a mighty God who will never fail His precious children. And no matter what the outcome of this pregnancy would be, we knew that everything would be okay. My philosophy is that if you aren't open to life, taking the risk of hurting again, then you might miss out on an even bigger blessing.
I will admit that there were many weak moments on my part. No matter how hard I tried to trust my Lord, there were times when my husband had to sit me down, look me straight in the eyes and tell me that everything was going to be fine...we will keep trusting. Then he would hold me while I cried.
As we approached the timeframe of the pregnancy where we had lost Anna, my anxiety was definitely at its peak. And it didn't help that I ended up having to have a cerclage put in because my cervix was starting to "funnel" open around week 20.
It was hard not to panic, but once the cerclage was successfully put in, the doctors felt certain that all would be okay. And this time we trusted them. This time we chose to receive care under a very well known hospital who had a great reputation in high risk pregnancies and maternal fetal care.
We had lost Anna at 23 weeks and 2 days gestation.
But this time, week 23 came and went...with no problems.
Then week 24 came and went...with no problems.
Then weeks 25...26...27...
And weeks 28 through 34 were a breeze.
Hearing the doctor's words, "If you were to go into pre-term labor now, your baby would be just fine!" was music to our ears. I'll never forget the relief I felt that day hearing those words.
But we never went into pre-term labor. And we are ecstatic!
When Anna's first birthday came around, on July 2nd, we gathered our family and went to the cemetery and celebrated her short life with us here, but her eternal life in Heaven. We had a balloon release and sang Happy Birthday to her as we laid flowers and gifts at her grave. We knew she was with us...and although it still hurt my heart with her absence...we were okay.
And then...on July 11th...our family experienced yet another major loss.
My father passed away.
"How much more can our family take?" I asked the Lord. In one year, we lost our daughter, Anna, my father-in-law and now my Dad.
At age 65, my dad reached the end of a lifelong battle of a hereditary heart disease. He was trying so hard to hang on for the birth of his second grandchild, but the Lord had other plans. And my dad was tired...so tired. He fought the good fight for as long as he could. On July 11, 2014 at 9:02 am, he took his last breath and went on to see his granddaughter, Anna Danielle, in eternity while we continued to wait for baby #2's arrival here.
I've always known that we were going to lose my dad at a relatively young age...and it always scared me. Many times I have panicked at the thought of not having my dad around. But as I said my final goodbyes to him, I was at peace. At peace with the fact that he would suffer no more...but even more at peace with knowing that he was going to enjoy his granddaughter and watch her grow in Heaven. I have no doubt that our precious Anna was waiting for her Grandpa Chuck and he is now holding her in his strong, healthy arms...smiling at her, laughing with her and bringing to her all the love her mommy and daddy and family have for her.
My sister and I with my Dad on his birthday last year.
And now, we who were left here, are waiting on the arrival of Anna's younger brother:
Caleb Louis Charles Shultz.
Louis is Eddie's dad's name...and Charles is my dad's name. Caleb will carry on their memories through his name.
Anna Danielle has made a fine angel for our family...and I truly believe that she has watched over us and Caleb through this pregnancy...and will continue to be her brother's Guardian Angel.
Rest in peace, Dad.
Enjoy your granddaughter. Give her big kisses from her Mommy.
I know that I will see you again one day soon....
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